Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Lying

Okay I might have a problem. There are two times in my life when I can remember ever feeling bad about lying.

1. When I believed God would send a lightning bolt down on me and send me to hell if I lied
and
2. When I thought Santa wouldn't bring me presents if I lied

I haven't believed either of those things would happen to me since I was fourteen years old. This means every time I've lied for the past six years I hardly ever feel any amount of guilt or remorse.

Am I bad person?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. There are only a few times when I can remember feeling bad about lying after I was fourteen, and it's always been when I lie to people and they have found out I lied.

Okay, I'm typing this out and it's sounding like I'm a complete selfish bitch. This might be true too.

All I know is that I know people who CANNOT tell lies without feeling so much guilt they might explode. Even non-believers in santa and/or some sort of God who feel this way. I was trying to google my problem but no one seemed to have the same one.

I came across people who lied and are seeking advice as to what to do next about it (because they feel bad), compulsive liars, and people who lie just because. I mean, I'm not a pathological liar. I don't tell lies just to tell them, but when I do it's usually for a good reason in my mind and I never ever feel the least bit sorry I did...unless they find out. If I started a support group for people like me would I be the only memeber? Or will there be others? Will we just chat on discussion boards about how we don't care about our support group because we don't care when we lie.

Maybe the fact that I'm typing this out means I care a little and I feel bad that I don't feel bad. But honestly I'll probably only feel bad if people are weirded out/offended by me for not feeling bad about lying.

Okay. After reading all of this...I might be a bad person, and tomorrow I might find out that I have no more friends. But I will say this: I never lie to the people I love and respect. That much is true about me...or am I lying?

-Holly Aka worst human being ever

2 comments:

modelmotion said...

You probably have a synthetic value structure where you do not see things in black and white. This can be a good thing if used wisely.

:):):)

aranai said...

I don't feel bad when I lie either. I do feel bad that I don't feel bad about it. I'm not a compulsive liar either so I'd have to say you wouldn't be alone in that support group, but then again I would probably lie to get out of going because I don't like support groups.