Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Okay I might have a problem. There are two times in my life when I can remember ever feeling bad about lying.

1. When I believed God would send a lightning bolt down on me and send me to hell if I lied
2. When I thought Santa wouldn't bring me presents if I lied

I haven't believed either of those things would happen to me since I was fourteen years old. This means every time I've lied for the past six years I hardly ever feel any amount of guilt or remorse.

Am I bad person?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. There are only a few times when I can remember feeling bad about lying after I was fourteen, and it's always been when I lie to people and they have found out I lied.

Okay, I'm typing this out and it's sounding like I'm a complete selfish bitch. This might be true too.

All I know is that I know people who CANNOT tell lies without feeling so much guilt they might explode. Even non-believers in santa and/or some sort of God who feel this way. I was trying to google my problem but no one seemed to have the same one.

I came across people who lied and are seeking advice as to what to do next about it (because they feel bad), compulsive liars, and people who lie just because. I mean, I'm not a pathological liar. I don't tell lies just to tell them, but when I do it's usually for a good reason in my mind and I never ever feel the least bit sorry I did...unless they find out. If I started a support group for people like me would I be the only memeber? Or will there be others? Will we just chat on discussion boards about how we don't care about our support group because we don't care when we lie.

Maybe the fact that I'm typing this out means I care a little and I feel bad that I don't feel bad. But honestly I'll probably only feel bad if people are weirded out/offended by me for not feeling bad about lying.

Okay. After reading all of this...I might be a bad person, and tomorrow I might find out that I have no more friends. But I will say this: I never lie to the people I love and respect. That much is true about me...or am I lying?

-Holly Aka worst human being ever

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Is it BEDA yet?

To be honest, I really miss BEDA. Last year I blogged about the things I liked with every letter of the alphabet. This year I'd like to blog about personal stuff if I can get away with being boring. Mostly I miss the fact that Maureen Johnson has to blog every day too.

So I started classes again. I'm taking this fascinating designing web site's course. I can't wait to learn all about how to do it (once the rest of the class learns how to open "notepad" *rolls eyes*). I've got my two Russian professors again that are married. Igor (karkaroff) and Galina. Last week, Galina had just seen Avatar and she related every example we needed to the movie. She ended with:

"Those blue people are so boring. They don't want all of our cool technology, but I would seriously get bored riding around on dragons all day and living in a tree."

She just says things like that all the time...she's amazing.

Anyway, updating my blog is on my giant to do list. Along with updating both my FF's, working for the public school libraries, and making videos for my channel(s). Not to mention there is that overburdening thing called 'homework' that takes up most of my time.

In other news, LG15 ha continued with a new series called outbreak. At the end of the week Valleygril15 will make an appearance on her channel: www.youtube.com/user/valleygirl15 so if you are a vg15 fan look for that.

I almost died the other day walking down this cement path where I had parked. I literally had to plant my feet on the ground and use my hands to slide myself down the path with the railing in order to not fall backwards and crack my head open. It was that icy. So...I'm glad I'm not dead.

I've been driving a lot lately. Everyday for at least 80 minutes total. I keep listening to AM radio (sick of listening to nickleback on the damn local radio). there are a lot of psychos out there, let's just say that. Everytime I get in a car now to dive I can't help but think of how easy it is to die in a car...moving on?

I'm watching Dexter right now. I'm about half way through season 4. So good. Love that show. And then I'm going to start It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or The Big Bang Theory or maybe Mad Men. I need to finish Weeds too. I'm still at the beginning of season 4. TV is so good again.

Anyway, better finish these damn sources I need to do for class.