Thursday, October 14, 2010

Catch up

Is it really true that I haven't updated this blog in 2 months? I am a sad person.

I would just talk about how busy I've been and blah, blah, blah. But I tried to complain to someone today about how busy I am and they just told me about how their taking five classes, working full time, and paying rent, car, phone bill etc.

So yes...that made me feel lame.

Basically eight things have been going on. Let's list them.

1. I went to San Francisco and saw something corporate live. It was INCREDIBLE.

2. I started classes. One class on Monday's from 1-330 and another online. Really really easy classes but SERIOUSLY a lot of stupid stupid work.

3. I finally got a job! It's at a cool book, video, game, music store. First they put me on register for 3 weeks which is soooo boring. BUT THEN last week they put in in the BOOKS section. THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF BOOKS! I just stock them and put them away, and help people find them and work in the children's book and it was so cool.

4. Tomorrow is my 3 year anniversary with my lovely boyfriend Jesse!

5. I'm going to Mexico for an anniversary vacation with Jesse in two weeks!

6. In three weeks I will be 21 years old.

7. I will be graduating with my masters in useless communications in June 2011

8. and last and most importantly I will be applying to get ANOTHER masters degree in Library Science in Fall 2011 so I can be a accredited librarian.

How have you been blog readers?


Life is awesome.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

BEDA fail and San Francisco

I was going to finish and blog every day in August, but really, I'm so important and I just don't have time.

Okay that's a total lie. There has been plenty of time for blogging lately I just haven't the mood.

But I am now! And hey, I made it about half way through August blogging so go me!

So last you heard I had an interview with Borders Book store and they said they'd call me back. Well...they didn't. They didn't want to hire someone like me who has an English Literature degree and can work 6/7 days a week for them, and who LOVES LOVES books.


I know right? Super disappointed. I think I just loved books too much and it blew stupid Shae's mind. He had a stupid name anyway. SO TAKE THAT SHAE! I don't want to work at your stupid bookstore.

Then I decided to reapply for the gagillionth time to Hastings bookstore where my friend Roxy works. I applied on Wednesday night and guess what? They called me Thursday for an interview. So I went on Thursday. I think it went well, better than my borders interview at least. And the guy interviewing me loves my friend who works there. He said he'd let me know Monday. During the interview he asked if I had any plans anytime soon and I basically said I have no life and I'm not going anywhere.

Well that might be a problem. See, I love this MAY have heard of them. They're called SOMETHING CORPORATE. They're amazing basically. I saw them once when I was 15 (almost 6 years ago...I feel so old). Anyway, they're having a Reunion tour and me and my friend Kellie JUST found out about it today. well the closest they're coming to our town is San Francisco. Which is only...16 hours away. Okay...that's pretty far. But we're still kind of young and we still love that band and heck this might be the ONLY time we EVER get to see them live EVER again.

So what do we do? We IMMEDIATELY head over to the all night diner on Monroe. We order a hot chocolate and a strawberry lemonade and we decide on a napkin how we're going to go to San Francisco on a $75 budget THIS TUESDAY NIGHT. And surprisingly we found out how. Kellie, Jack (her boyfriend), Corrina and I are going to leave Monday at 3pm, drive to San Francisco and arrive Tuesday morning at 7am. Then we'll get a motel, sleep till 1pm and then tour San Fran for a bit. Then at 7pm SOMETHING CORPORATE! The show will be over at 11pm. Then we go back to motel and sleep till 7am. Then we drive home and get back WEDNESDAY NIGHT at 11pm.

This is all fine and well and the gas cost split between us plus a concert ticket is only $75ish each. The only problem is...the job.

What if he calls on Monday offers me the job and asks me to start Tuesday? I TOLD HIM ALREADY I COULD START RIGHT AWAY AND I HAD NO PLANS. I'm just NERVOUS. I don't want to start a job out bad. I mean, I NEVER do anything this spontaneous. THIS IS VERY SPONTANEOUS. My best hope would be if he calls and offers me the job and asks if I can start on Thursday. I just CANNOT miss SOMETHING CORPORATE LIVE for the LAST TIME EVER. It's only two days. I have to just hope hope hope that he doesn't want me to start right away.

Either way we'll be heading to San Francisco on one day...I love spontaneous things!


Thursday, August 12, 2010


I'm trying to pretend that my interview at Borders went really well.

But basically it went down like this:

I walked into Borders at 2:25 just to make sure I was on time. I was told to ask for a guy who's name I wasn't exactly sure of. See I knew it was a guy, but on the phone it sounded like he said his name was either SHANE or SHAY.

I was confuzzled.

So I went to a guy working basically said: "Hi is Shayyyne available."

In which I basically got really quiet after the letters 'sha'.

He only looked confused for a moment before sending me over to the cafe.

There I met a guy named Shae. Yes, SHAE. He was...not enthusiastic about having to do what I assumed was ANOTHER interview and I guess I couldn't blame him.

I thought the interview would have been very standard 'what would you do in this situation' type thing. However, I just ended up talking about how much a love books and what books I'm excited for and if a customer came up to me I gave a scenario of how I'd recommend Mockingjay to them for reading.

After that point he looked at me fairly blankly and stated: "Well I've never heard such an enthusiastic reply before"

Awkward. I think I nerded out about books a little TOO much. But to be fair it was for a job at a bookstore.

I'll find out if I get a follow up interview in a few days.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

BEDA Day 11

I landed an interview at Borders book store tomorrow at 2:30.

I'm not very nervous except in that I know they're interviewing A LOT of people because the enconomy is shit. I will be very upset if I don't get this job because it will be the 4th job I've interviewed for that I'm over qualified for that I haven't gotten.

I hate having this college degree sometimes because I feel like people don't hire me for minimum wage jobs because they know I don't plan on staying there forever or whatever.

But if I got the job at Borders I could definitely see myself keeping it AT LEAST for a year if not more. I don't know. I just hate this job seraching. I hope I get the job.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

BEDA Day 10



Monday, August 9, 2010

BEDA Day 9

Finally finished a thesis book today. That's 1/4 done. Tomorrow I plan on finishing book number 2 and then Wednesday #3 and Thursday the last one. Then this Monday I can really start writing the darn thing.

It's all very stressful.



Sunday, August 8, 2010

BEDA Day 8

Today was my annual family BBQ.

So much fun per usual.

We made a TON of water balloons and had water ballon launcher fights. It was a blast. We do it annualy in August it's a pretty good time. There was a live band, tons of food, badmitton, shooting, croquet, etc. An all around fun time.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

BEDA day 7

I finally made a vlog today after months of not doing so. Felt good to edit again.

Went to a minor league baseball game and watched a decent fireworks show afterwards.

Now I'm watching Deadwood for the first time ever. Interesting enough so far.


Friday, August 6, 2010

BEDA Day 6

So far a great weekend.

So Thursday night I went to my friend Alicia's Boyfriend's new place. That sounds complicated. Well his name is Nick and he has a few roommates that I know. Anyway, we all headed over there around 11pm. It was a pretty good time. We played fooz ball and drank margaritas. I reiterated to everyone around 2am about why Breaking Dawn should not be made into a movie. This involved slurring the plot to everyone which basically went something like this:

"And then...the he like...he BREAKS the placenta with his teeth to this vamp human baby and then this 17 year old werewolf is like I LOVE THAT BABY"

Anyway around 3 I dragged myself home, and then I slept until 1pm.

At 3:30 I went over to my friend Cassie's place and we ordered bread sticks and attempted for the gazillion time to beat Super Mario Brothers Wii. WE JUST COULDN'T BEAT THE LAST CASTLE!!! There are no save points and played entirely through without breaks it's about a 9 minute level. Sometimes we'd get so close to the end and then die and we'd have to start all the way over. VERY frustrating. Well it was getting to 7:30 and we needed to leave so we decided one more time through and then suddenly WE BEAT IT.

I've never been so thrilled about beating a video game.

Then we rushed out the door because we were late for a concert at stage 54. So we came a bit late but still saw the important artists. Carey Brothers (no, not THE Carey brothers, this poor guys name IS Carey Brothers) who is an amazing artist who has appeared in The Last Kiss soundtrack and Garden State. Then the main act who I have waited a LONG time to see GREG LASWELL. He was so fantastic and I just love his voice. The performance was great and all the bands were funny and had a good time. Afterwards I got a picture with Greg Laswell and as you can tell I'm completely star struck:

It was a great Thursday night/Friday morning and a great Friday night.


Thursday, August 5, 2010


Oh yes. Today I read a lot of thesis stuff.

I read this cool article on feminism and warcraft, and also another great one on war in real life and war in WOW. I love my thesis topic.

I have got a crazy cool weekend planned starting tonight.



Wednesday, August 4, 2010



I've officially started my thesis. By that I mean I've opened a book on the thesis subject.

Have I even said what my thesis is yet?

Well, I'm researching/arguing the idea that Online Gaming (Particularly MMORPG games, like World of Warcraft) can inadvertently benefit the players in real life.

Awesome, right? I'm not an online gamer myself, but I'm very intrigued by it considering I know a lot of people in and out of my family who play. I don't play because I know that if I started I wouldn't be able to stop (and that's scary considering my brother sits in my Mother's house all day and plays WOW non stop...he's 23). So as I was observing other people playing these games I began to wonder what the draw was, what made it so addictive, and why were so many people playing it! WOW alone as 8.5 million players worldwide. So we have 8.5 million people dedicating most of their time and energy into this game right? We have to wonder if they're taking anything away from the game.

For instance, from talking to my brother I've heard a lot about social interaction in the game and how those who are socially outcasted in real life have a chance to be social in the gaming world. This in turn can help their social behavior outside of the game if they choose.

Also, guilds are a fantastic representation of communities and cultures. To be in a guild you have to go through a rigorous interview process to see if you fit with the beliefs and customs (but most important raiding time frame) of the guild. The process can take weeks and you need to fill out at least 2 applications. Sounds familiar, right? That's because it's similar to interviewing for a job. Is it possible that this interview process for WOW is actually HELPFUL for when a player is interviewing for a job in real life?

In one book I'm reading now, the guy who wrote it has a PhD and he is in a guild called Truants which consists of himself and other PhDs and advanced graduate students who don't only play MMORPGs, they study them. This guys also argues that WOW is so intriguing because it's a perfect simulacrum of a capitalistic society where if you work hard you will be rewarded. Real life doesn't aw lays work out this way, so the pull for some people is that the ideological capitalist system works in WOW and is also recognizable as to what should be.

Now I'm geeking out here so let's take a step back and just say my thesis is about social benefits of playing World of Warcraft. In a nut shell.

It's sort of kind of VERY AWESOME.

So BEDA day 4? On BEDA day 4 I started my thesis work. Go me.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BEDA Day 3

I'm am officially done with the first and last summer class I will ever take. It wasn't very hard...just time consuming. I mean, out of all the kinds of maths you might have to take in your schooling career, Statistics isn't so bad. It's just BORING.

I took my last quiz today though, and grades should be up in a few weeks. It was an online class so at least I didn't have to get up early every morning during summer.

Today I opened a thesis book and looked at the table of contents. Then I set it down and free played Lego Harry Potter on Wii.

Then I spent the rest of the day finding funny memes. Like these two:

Booze Cats


High Expectations Asian Father

The Internet is made of people. And people are funny.

Well I'm getting more and more screwed by the day when it comes to this thesis. My Life.


Monday, August 2, 2010

BEDA Day 2

Ah Monday's. Monday's are horrible to most of the population, but I find that Summer Monday's are great.

That is until I realized it is AUGUST. Which I should have realized yesterday but I was having too good of a time. See the thing about it being August IS THAT I HAVE TO FINISH MY LITERATURE REVIEW AND METHODS SECTION OF MY MASTERS THESIS BY SEPTEMBER 6TH!

...and I haven't worked on it all summer like I said I would...

Me in June
Good self "Hey Holly, you need to start your thesis."
Bad self "Back up yo, it's June. Classes just ended. I'm tired. Give me June to relax and read for fun, and just hang out."
Good self "I guess that's okay."

Me in July
Good self "You should really start the literature review at least."
Bad self "I know, I ordered some books for the lit review so I can work on it soon."
Good self "Soon as in now?"
Bad self "Soon as in whenever I'm done reading for fun."

Me now (and after happily finishing 17 books that I read for fun)

Good self "Done with that lit review yet?"
Bad self "Not yet"
Good self "How far are you into it"
Bad self "I haven't started."
Good self "You haven't started."
Bad self "Nope...but I still have...oh my God...I ONLY HAVE 35 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Present time

So as I'm writing this blog I'm cooking pasta and waiting for Jeopardy to start and thinking not so calmly: "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?!?!"


BEDA Day 1

Oh My God is it AUGUST?!

I'm super excited that I'm doing BEDA (Blog Every Day in August) which formerly was called BEDA (Blog Every Day in April), but hey, I'm flexible.

So today I woke up at 1pm, which is just typical of a weekend. I pushed my boyfriend (Jesse) in the face and he woke up at 1:01 pm. We watched the first episode ever of Pushing Daisy's which we enjoyed immensely.

Then we drove up to Bed, Bath, and Beyond because WOW, there is this amazing thing that looks like this:

Amazing Thing

Okay it's not called 'amazing thing', it's actually a head scratcher. DON'T LOOK AT ME ALL SKEPTICAL LIKE THAT, It's actually incredible. Buy one. They're cheap, and wow they are amazing.

Then we walked across the way to World Market where we bought a pack of seasonal beer.

Then we drove a bit further to my boyfriend's parents house and gave the beer to his brother (who...likes beer?) and the head scratcher to his parents. His mother loved it, and his father refused to try it in front of people, but I know later on he's going to try it and love it.

His dad made us yummy Hawaiian burgers, and we watched the new episode of Furturama which was hilarious.

After that, we went to the new FroYo place called FroYoEarth, and I had red velvet, strawberry, pistatico, regular froyo which was...WOW. Amazing.

Then we headed back to Jesse's place and rented Hot Tub Time Machine (which had its moments of hilarity), and finished season 2 of True Blood (which is THEBESTSHOWEVER).

Yay for day 1 of BEDA!


Friday, July 2, 2010

Statistics: Being excused for rudeness since its invention

So I'm taking this Summer statistic course online, right?

Well I'm paging through the book today and the author is trying to explain what z scores are. Well he shows this graph, and the graph is supposed to display the "attractiveness" of a sample of men at a University.

So the author picks three dudes out of the sample who's names are Slug, Binky, and Biff. Slug has a low score, which means people do not find him attractive. Which is nice, right?

So the author decides to explain how we as researchers would explain Slug's score to Slug:

"What would we say to Slug? 'Bad news, Slug. Your score places you far below average in attractiveness. What's worse, down in the tail, the height of the curve above your score indicates a low frequency, so not many men received this low score. Also, the proportion of the area under the curve at your score is small, so the relative frequency- the proportion of all men receive your score- is low. Finally, Slug, your percentile is low, so a small percentage score below you while a large percentage scored above you. So Slug, scores such as yours are relatively infrequent, and few scores are lower than yours."

What a highly analytical way to tell someone that they're never going to get laid.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Ridiculous Formalities of Higher Education

So in 3 weeks I'll have completed my first year of grad school. If all else goes smoothly in a year and 3 weeks I'll have my Master of Science in Communications. Remember my first day of graduate school? Oh yes I believe in my blog it went something like this, and I quote:

"They all use big words and smarty pants theories I've never even heard of before. Even the Professors. Do you know anything about the "Dreyfus model for skill acquisition" or "Neo-Aristotelian rhetorical criticism" or "Double Hermeneutics"? ME EITHER! There is a list like this of 60 terms all just as weird and confusing that I have to memorize (and their definitions) by the end of the quarter."

This tiny freak out went on and on until my head nearly exploded with worry. Turns out that I do now know what neo-Aristotelian rhetorical criticism is AND hermeneutics. Turns out these are fairly simple terms and it also turns out that they are basically totally useless, at least as far as giving them big words are. I mean instead of saying hermeneutics you could just say interpretation. I mean really? Do we have to call it that big word?

Apparently we do, because higher education is all about looking and acting as pretentious as you possibly can.


You think everyone is smarter and better and grand because they use big words and have amazing theories and they read big name people but REALLY it's just a bunch of memorizing and learning how to sputter things out at the right moment. It's one BIG JOKE.

So now I have a first chair committee who is pretty great and all and I'm doing a thesis on World of Warcraft. Yeah, that's right WOW. Because apparently getting any kind of degree in communications basically equals you being able to do whatever you want, because hey, we're still trying ot figure out how to define communications. Isn't that wonderful?

Now I'm trying to apply for degree candidacy which is where I fill out this one page form. Sounds easy, right? WRONG.

They have to make it all complicated with their wording and stupidness(oh, wait that's not a word). Basically, I keep getting the sheet sent back and they're like:

"This class shouldn't be listed here, list it somewhere else"

but then my chair is like

"no, that's where it's supposed to be"

and then my department head is like

"no, it's in the right spot but it's 4 credits not 5."


Then I e-mail my department head and I ask if my 2nd chair needs to have a doctoral degree. He says no, your 2nd sari can be ANY PROFESSOR YOU WANT, just has to be outside of the comm department. So I think GREAT this will be easy. WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Basically I'm on the 5th professor I've e-mailed to be my 2nd and they all have said 'no' spewing stupid bull shit excuses like:

"I'd love to, but I'm too busy"
"I'd love to, but I'm not graduate faculty"
"I'd love to, but I don't have my Phd."
"I'd love to, but I can't be bothered with your petty thesis because I'm a grand smart professor and you're just a stupid grad student, go away peasant."


Who knew it'd be this hard to form a stupid committee. They should just form one for you, but really that would take WORK and the last thing a professor ever wants to do is inconvenience themselves.

This. Is. Idiotic.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Are these questions meant to be answered or are they rhetorical?

Real questions asked by my real professor in one night of lecture. Don't ask me what the lecture was about...I have no idea.
All text below are things he asked and answered himself...because that's what he does.

How many miles can you travel on horse back?
7 miles per hour if you're going fast..

1865 we made the cable on board a steam ship, and that was sent from telegram in Nova Scotia to...anyone?

Do you know how you fix sub cables that break?
Well, you lay a grip hook along the ocean floor until you run into it. lots of humorous anecdotes about sub cables...but back to the point.

What year was the camera released?
What year, anybody?
1839...shocking shocking.

What got people interested in this in the first place?
It was a bet asking if all four hoofs leave the ground during a horse race?
Yes they do is the answer.

Thorstein Veblen the Norwegian born American sociologist wrote various books on business enterprise. Introduction of wide spread machines were radically transforming human life. Time was changed by machine. In fact, the whole notion of time zones emerged with the railroads.

What is time really?
The way we traditionally measure time.
It's an analog of a hand pointing at the sky as the sun moves.

It's 6:58 here so what time is it in Seattle?
Well it's about 12-15 minutes after that.

What would we do without our computers? What would we do without our jet planes? Do you have any idea how much of your food comes here on a jet plane?

How many bird species can you name by sight? How man sparrows can you differentiate? How many woodpeckers? Species of tree? Obnoxious weeds? We have a lot of interesting weeds. Constellations?

We don't know this stuff right? Because it's not important for us to know.
It's not important for us to yodel.

Why do we import apples from New Zealand here?

Do you know what Kiwi's are actually called?
Something gooseberry NZ made that fruit's name up to make them more appealing to Americans. True fact.

How many times have we actually gone to nuclear war?
More times than I can count.


Then we watched scenes from 2001: A space Odyssey and I felt like I was on drugs.

And then we watched this insane thing that...I can't even explain

Welcome to Grad School.


Saturday, April 24, 2010

(2) And actual conversation

"How many ibuprofen are you supposed to take if you're in pain?"

"Like one every 3-4 hours, why?"

"I took six."

"That's okay. You can take up to eight a day if spaced out every 3-4 hours. Like I said."

"No. I took six at once."

"Like just now?"



"My knee hurt. I took three then waited 15 minutes and it still hurt so I took three more."

"Are you an idiot?"

"Why what will happen?"

"Probably nothing. Good thing you didn't take like ten. That will frack up your liver."


"Aren't you supposed to be the adult?"

"I never take ibuprofen! How am I supposed to know?"

"Oh I don't the warning labels?"



"I can't believe you took six ibuprofen at once."

"Shut up!"


Friday, April 23, 2010

And acutal conversation

"How was the Doctor?"

"It was odd...but okay."

"What happened?"

"They filled me full of soda water type stuff and creamy liquid stuff then they rolled me around on a table and took pictures of me."

"Sounds erotic."

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Vomit, Coke, and Running

There is nothing quite like the feeling of trying to hold back vomit. But as I type this blog, I'm doing just that. I'm hoping that if I do need to spew (It's S.P.E.W. RON!) I can make it to the bathroom before I make it to the keyboard.

Basically, in an unfortunate turn of events, yesterday I went to the big special campus to do some big important stuff and I stopped by Taco Bell on the way out. I got my awesome Chicken Burrito ($1.08 at the window please), consumed it, went to class, came home, and slept. All was well until I woke up this morning feeling like sick. So now...I'm just trying to get over my hatred of throwing up in order to get past what I've come to believe is food poisoning. Will this stop me from going to Taco bell ever again? Absolutely not. I can't not afford to go to Taco it's good...well the first five bites are super good AND WORTH IT. Excuse me...


Anyway, let me tell you a story about Cocoa-Cola and running. Trust me I will get to my point. Basically, when I went to the University of Washington I had this awesome job at a newsstand. I got paid very well, had awesome hours, and the work was super easy. Plus, I got to stock stuff a lot...and I really like stocking. But that's beside the point. We sold newspapers (duh), candy, pencils, coffee, and lots of soda. We went through so many Coke products, I ended up breaking down a shit ton of cardboard boxes and bottle boxes. I always ended up amazed by how much we went through. It was then that I realized there were codes on the canned boxes and the bottle boxes. Codes for

So like any good employee I asked my manager if I could steal the codes and he said basically that he didn't give a shit, and that I should stop bothering him with stupid questions.

So I signed up for an account and started entering in codes through text message at work. By the end of my year and a half end stint at UW, I had over 1,000 points. The next step was to pick out my "rewards". Since you have to have over 200,000 points to get anything cool, I picked out a coke sling bag, which can hold 2 canned cokes and keep them cool. Basically, it was a waste of time and texting points in for almost 2 years.

Then I found out I had 200 points left over. It turned out I could get a magazine subscription for a year. So I looked at my choices: Oprah, Better Home and Living, or Fitness. None of these interested me. So with no other good choices I picked Fitness. It's been over a year since I've done this...and I'm still receiving Fitness magazine for free. I have NO IDEA WHY. But every time I get it in the mail, I scan it over and in less than a minute, it ends up in the trash.

I Don't Make These Things Up

Anyway, lately I've been finding more and more people who go to the gym, run, workout, do weights, WHATEVER, etc. And I seriously just can't believe it. Do people really workout this much? Are there really people who get up early in the morning and go running, or take time out of their days to "hit the gym"? Am I really this sheltered and lazy from the exercising world?

I always thought it was some elaborate joke that people need to exercise 20 minutes at least 5 days a week. I mean 20 minutes isn't that bad. AT ALL. I could probably do that without whining (even though I'm super out of shape). The part that I always hated about working out/running was the work you had to do after. For girls especially, we have to wash our hair, blow dry it, re-apply make up, straighten it, etc. This seems like a huge pain in the ass to me. My 20 minute work out turns into a 2 hour workout.

Luckily I've been blessed with a small frame and a good metabolism. But, how much longer will this last? Should I start working out too? I certainly don't want to become one of SIXTY-SEVEN PERCENT of adults who are overweight. I mean...ahhhhh! And wouldn't it be nice to walk up a slight incline and not feel like I'm going to die from lack of oxygen for the first time since I quit playing soccer?

Basically, I've been thinking a lot more about starting to run in the mornings, or at LEAST once or twice a week. Or even go for a walk. I mean the most walking I do is to walk to my car in the morning. Okay...and I walk to class from my takes like five minutes. That can't be nearly enough. Boot Camp Harvey would yell in my face.

That Would Make Me Uncomfortable.

The more I think about starting to exercise for internal health reasons...the more lazy I feel. I feel like this blog was a work out in itself. Now I feel like I deserve to go back to bed after working so hard.

*Stares at bed...*


Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Okay I might have a problem. There are two times in my life when I can remember ever feeling bad about lying.

1. When I believed God would send a lightning bolt down on me and send me to hell if I lied
2. When I thought Santa wouldn't bring me presents if I lied

I haven't believed either of those things would happen to me since I was fourteen years old. This means every time I've lied for the past six years I hardly ever feel any amount of guilt or remorse.

Am I bad person?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. There are only a few times when I can remember feeling bad about lying after I was fourteen, and it's always been when I lie to people and they have found out I lied.

Okay, I'm typing this out and it's sounding like I'm a complete selfish bitch. This might be true too.

All I know is that I know people who CANNOT tell lies without feeling so much guilt they might explode. Even non-believers in santa and/or some sort of God who feel this way. I was trying to google my problem but no one seemed to have the same one.

I came across people who lied and are seeking advice as to what to do next about it (because they feel bad), compulsive liars, and people who lie just because. I mean, I'm not a pathological liar. I don't tell lies just to tell them, but when I do it's usually for a good reason in my mind and I never ever feel the least bit sorry I did...unless they find out. If I started a support group for people like me would I be the only memeber? Or will there be others? Will we just chat on discussion boards about how we don't care about our support group because we don't care when we lie.

Maybe the fact that I'm typing this out means I care a little and I feel bad that I don't feel bad. But honestly I'll probably only feel bad if people are weirded out/offended by me for not feeling bad about lying.

Okay. After reading all of this...I might be a bad person, and tomorrow I might find out that I have no more friends. But I will say this: I never lie to the people I love and respect. That much is true about me...or am I lying?

-Holly Aka worst human being ever

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Is it BEDA yet?

To be honest, I really miss BEDA. Last year I blogged about the things I liked with every letter of the alphabet. This year I'd like to blog about personal stuff if I can get away with being boring. Mostly I miss the fact that Maureen Johnson has to blog every day too.

So I started classes again. I'm taking this fascinating designing web site's course. I can't wait to learn all about how to do it (once the rest of the class learns how to open "notepad" *rolls eyes*). I've got my two Russian professors again that are married. Igor (karkaroff) and Galina. Last week, Galina had just seen Avatar and she related every example we needed to the movie. She ended with:

"Those blue people are so boring. They don't want all of our cool technology, but I would seriously get bored riding around on dragons all day and living in a tree."

She just says things like that all the time...she's amazing.

Anyway, updating my blog is on my giant to do list. Along with updating both my FF's, working for the public school libraries, and making videos for my channel(s). Not to mention there is that overburdening thing called 'homework' that takes up most of my time.

In other news, LG15 ha continued with a new series called outbreak. At the end of the week Valleygril15 will make an appearance on her channel: so if you are a vg15 fan look for that.

I almost died the other day walking down this cement path where I had parked. I literally had to plant my feet on the ground and use my hands to slide myself down the path with the railing in order to not fall backwards and crack my head open. It was that icy. So...I'm glad I'm not dead.

I've been driving a lot lately. Everyday for at least 80 minutes total. I keep listening to AM radio (sick of listening to nickleback on the damn local radio). there are a lot of psychos out there, let's just say that. Everytime I get in a car now to dive I can't help but think of how easy it is to die in a car...moving on?

I'm watching Dexter right now. I'm about half way through season 4. So good. Love that show. And then I'm going to start It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or The Big Bang Theory or maybe Mad Men. I need to finish Weeds too. I'm still at the beginning of season 4. TV is so good again.

Anyway, better finish these damn sources I need to do for class.