Thursday, September 24, 2009

This is my personal hell

I had my first class as a graduate student on Wednesday. I wanted to blog immediately after, but I decided to wait until after my class today just in case it went better and I had something good to talk about.

It did not go better. You know when you walk into a room and right away you can tell that everyone else has something you don't? Let me give you examples of this from my own personal experience over the past two days.

First, everyone in my class is older than me. Now I'm used to this, being 19 and having already earned my B.A. Degree. However, I'd say the median age range in all of my classes is about oh...maybe 27?

Second, they all know each other. They have all attended this specific university before as undergraduates or they've been in the program as a graduate student for awhile now. They have either taken classes with each other before, or have taken classes with the professor before. Oh and they have ALL at least taken one course in communications. No matter how basic.

Third, they all use big words and smarty pants theories I've never even heard of before. Even the Professors. Do you know anything about the "Dreyfus model for skill acquisition" or "Neo-Aristotelian rhetorical criticism" or "Double Hermeneutics"? ME EITHER! There is a list like this of 60 terms all just as weird and confusing that I have to memorize (and their definitions) by the end of the quarter (plus loads more stuff I WON'T go into detail about because you'd be so unbelievable bored and you might faint).

Fourth, they all have thought about their thesis. You know a thesis. That huge thing you have to do at THE END of your graduate career. That thing that all your classes PREPARE you for. Well apparently everyone here is a genius who has already thought about these things (OBVIOUSLY). And the Professors just assume you've thought about it too! In fact they assume you know nearly EVERYTHING about communications cause hey! this is all a review for you right? Right! They also know everything about theory and this philosopher and that writer and what's that? You want them to write their thesis based around "classical genre rhetorical criticism", oh that's no problem. Cause they know these things (DUH EVERYONE DOES). They live and breathe these things. And when one girl says "Oh I'm mostly interested in late structuralism with a slight emphasis on Phronesis." The teacher just jokes, "Oh that's okay WE won't hold that against you!" Because it's a joke! Because they all know what it means and that it's funny and hahah hahahaha hahaha ahhahahhaha. WONDERFUL.

I have to come up with a thesis in a specific field of communication by Wednesday (never mind that I don't know ANY fields of communication because all my professors just assume everyone knows). Plus a MOUNTAIN of reading and homework that I hardly understand. I won't go into details because you might die if I do.

Basically: Bad mood.

Basically: I cried all over my Dad when I got home.

Basically: Not even blast o butter popcorn and Doctor Who made me feel better.

Basically: Welcome to Grad school.

Basically: FML



Megan said...

oh darling, i'm so sorry it wasn't as good as you thought it would be :(

i can completely relate to how your feeling and all i can say, it's only been two classes, and it will get better.

try not to stress. take the reading as you can, maybe talk to one of the professors on the side and say your feeling like your drowning.

then, maybe ask someone for tutoring. doesn't have to be anyone in your class, maybe a professor can recommend a past student.

also, try and make friends. altho i know this is hard espically when your intimidated and they're so much older.

just stick with it.

think about how satisfying it will be when you graduate, you all of 22 or so, and they like 30.

you have your whole life ahead of you and they are almost over the hill! score!

good luck

Hollishillis said...

You made me feel better. Thank youuuuz =]