Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My Affair With The Food Network

The Food Network has completely consumed my life.

Before I get into why I love this channel and the specific shows within them, I'd like to make a plea to the Travel Channel to please give Man Vs. Food over to the Food Network. The reason this show is incredible is not only the food that is eaten but also the host, Adam Richman.

NOT this Adam Richman
THIS Adam Richman

He travels around the U.S. (which I guess makes it a travel show apparently) finding the best food imaginable and usually in the episode enters some contest the restaurant has (ex: eat this entire ginormous meat pizza and win a t-shirt) and he usually wins and gets his picture on the wall or something to that effect. And whilst he does this who doesn't love the restaurant guests chanting endlessly: MAN VS FOOD, MAN VS FOOD!


Anyway, each episode he is in a new city. For details on the show, and the food and cities he visits go here: http://www.travelchannel.com/TV_Shows/Man_v_Food/Food_Locations

But seriously! Why put this show on the travel channel, I mean he doesn't leave the United States, so he's not exactly a world traveler and the shows main focus is on food anyway. So please Travel Channel, give it up. I get sad when I have to leave The Food Network to travel the whole 2 channels down to the Travel Channel (which mostly sucks). I'd like to be able to just stay on The Food Network, okay?

God I'm being awfully American today. Anyway, moving on to the why I love The Food Network.

First up!

ACE OF CAKES

I LOVE THIS SHOW. I stumbled upon it on the perfect day for a Harry Potter fan like me. For the Order of the Phoenix premiere in LA they actually made a Hogwarts Castle replica cake and it was incredible. Even Dan Radcliffe thought so, in his cameo.

Duff and Daniel


The Incredible Hogwarts Cake

Yes that is actually a cake. Anyway, the actual cake shop is located in Baltimore, and is called Charm City Cakes. The chef there is Chef Duff, who is hilarious, hip, and awesome. They make the most amazing cakes, and all of this friends work there, and they're all so funny and you can tell they really love what they do. It's a fantastic show!

ASK AIDA

Now the host of this show is Aida Mollenkamp...and she is guilty....

Of being hot!

And she also knows a lot about cooking. There was an amazing chocolate episode where she made this incredible looking Mexican chocolate and double chocolate tort cake. I salivated...A LOT. Now while she cooks these things, say the theme of the day is chocolate again, she answers chocolate questions from....viewers like you! How exciting. Now the guy that reads the e-mails while Aidia cooks, is Noah Starr, who is guilty as well...

of being annoying

But not annoying enough to kill of the show, considering he mostly just sits there. Therefore, Ask Aidia for the win!

CHOPPED
This show is great if you want new recipe ideas. It's a challenge between four chef's who take surprise ingredients in a basket and make these fantastic three course meals in a timed period. After each course, judges "chop" a contestant who's course wasn't so hot. In the end there is one chef standing and they will $10,000! How cool. Go Food Network.

DINERS, DRIVE-INS, AND DIVES
Guy Fieri is the host of this show and a picture will be provided later for reasons you have yet to discover. I like Guy Fieri. I think he's fun and eccentric and he knows a lot about food. In this show he drives around in his sexy red convertible to, "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives". If you don't know what a diner is it's like a 1940s drive in type thing. Burgers, fries, and shakes. Classic American food. Not to mention those cool drive-ins like Sonic has, but without the crappy fast food. This is a great show.

EMERIL LIVE


BAM! ...That is all =]


FOOD DETECTIVES

This show reminds me of myth busters but better because instead of general questions, there's food questions and mysteries are SOLVED! Like what is the best way to cure bad breath, can you drink a gallon of milk in an hour, does turkey really make you sleepy, and all of life's super important mysteries solved! Plus there is a great host:

Ted Allen


Way cooler than Tim Allen...moving on....

GOOD EATS
The host of this show is Alton Brown.


This is him in a semi-normal state

And again...in his usual odd state of being which I enjoy immensely

Now I love this show and I HATE super scripted shows. This show is extremely scripted but I think Alton Brown pulls it off brilliantly. He's s nerdy and that is something I can relate to. The show also does a great job of of giving you the history of the food item Alton is showing us that day, as well as amazing ways to prepare and cook it yourself.

TOP CHEF

Based upon the Japanese cult sensation, Iron Chef America carries on the legend of Kitchen Stadium and the famed "secret ingredient." Each week, world-class chefs battle the legendary Iron Chefs of America. My favorite being Bobby Flay!

ULTIMATE RECIPE SHOWDOWN

This show features cooks from across America, who brin gout delicious competition. The series features six categories: Comfort Food, Burgers, Cakes, Hot and Spicy, Desserts, or Hometown Favorites. Each week, the judges crown an "ultimate" winner who receives $25,000 and the chance to have his or her recipe featured nationwide at T.G.I. Friday's® restaurants.

UNWRAPPED

This show is kind of like How It's Made but with stuff that is way more interesting...like food. They take you behind the scenes of restaurants, food factories, etc. Marc Summers is a decent host "as he explores the test kitchens and the secrets behind lunch box treats, soda pop, movie candy, and more. Unwrapped – the show for everyone who's ever worn a pair of wax lips." Sounds good, and it's extremely interesting.

ANYTHING WITH RACHEL RAY

There's just not much to say about Rachel Ray besides that's shes cute, tiny, and an incredible cook! Who DOESN'T love her?

THE HOT AUSTRALIAN GUY'S SHOW

Idunno exactly what his show is called because the entire time he cooks I get lost in his accent.


And now on to my beef with The Food Network:


GUY'S HAIR
Although I love guy and his quirky little drive through show, I can't stand his hair. It's actually really frightening and loud. I know you can't do anything about this dear food network, but please consider it.


THE INFAMOUS HAIR




BAREFOOT CONTESSA. No No No. Not only is this an awful name for a cooking show but I hate this woman. I really do. I hate the way she explains things, and I hate the way she cooks, and I hate the stupid frickin scriptedness of the whole damn show. She's always cooking something for someone else and it's always some old cooking friend or her "husband" it makes me want to eat baby food. There is something too about the way she talks like a whisper and it just freaks me out.

PAULA'S HOME COOKING, PAULA'S BEST DISHES, PAUL'S PARTY

Meet your host:Paula Dean


Scary huh?

This woman talks more about her dogs than food. And when she gets to talking about the food it's all deep fried, southern comfort bullshit. The entire premise of these show is, "I'm southern, I cook okay, but mostly I make jokes that aren't funny unless you were raised in Mississippi which coincidentally is the state with the highest obesity rate (not counting the children) Now let's make some effing fried chicken."

MAN VS GRILL. You will never ever never ever never ever ever ever be Adam Richman, Mr. host man. See? I don't even know your name but your show sucks. Again it's too scripted and awkward. Plus the food that is made, never looks very good which is a huge downer for the people trying to watch and us thee your recipes. Also, please stop bringing non talented children onto your show to show off their "skills". They are not cute, they are just precocious.

SO Travel Network...stop trying to be the Food Network in your own little sneaky way...give us Adam Richman! So I guess besides the small flaws in you my dearest Food Network..keep up the good work.

Now you'll have to excuse me....there is some yumminess going on in Kitchen Stadium.

-Holly




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